They say "Cleanliness is next to Godliness," but right now, I wish the saying so well known was something like, "Modesty is next to sanctity"! A good friend -- a mother of a houseful of boys like myself who doesn't have time to read blogs, let alone write one -- laments that even the homeschool girls wear tight jeans and shorts, and it is driving her teen sons to distraction. "What are the mothers and fathers of those daughters thinking?!"
Indeed! Even though there are books about dressing with dignity, it seems that many a family is oblivious to what their daughters are to the young men they're around: near occasions of sin! Yep, you read that right! Her son was miserable the day after a teen picnic because he'd fallen. His raging hormones and virile body got the better of him. His dad was sympathetic, but had no answers, since one would just about have to give up socializing to avoid girls whose clothing is skin-tight, revealing, and/or provocative.
Now, maybe it's that the moms of teen girls don't realize that boys, too, have raging hormones. Maybe the dads don't want to admit that their daughters look sexy. Or maybe it's that families are getting so much exposure to our culture, that their sensitivity to the issue has been dulled. Perhaps the lack of suitable clothing has them stymied for a solution.
sigh But we can't give up! We can't just tell young men who want to be chaste, "Oh well." Yes, when they are grown men, they likely will have to learn to deal with immodest dress, even if they become priests! But we're talking about guys at a time in their lives when their bodies are in hyper-drive. If you've read any Theology of the Body, you know that patterns are being set in these years, too.
My eldest son has been very blessed: he decided while in college that it'd be neat to be able to say when he was married that he'd only kissed his wife. God gave him that grace! His brothers know this story, and I suspect some of them are hoping for the same grace. So it's not like I have sons who are running with the popular culture. Yet I have heard them, too, mention wishing that girls would not be dressed so immodestly. It is hard enough to keep one's ideals and live virtuously, without having the girls whose company you so enjoy torment you. Even unintentionally.
Read that again: Torment. In a previous life I spent time as a nurse on an adolecent unit. Teen boys are going to respond physically to your daughters if those girls' clothing hugs their new curves and draws the eye below the hipline. Oh, of course, most well-bred Catholic homeschooled boys will hide those responses. Most probably won't even reveal how they feel to their dads as did my friend's son. But don't kid yourself; young men are being stimulated by immodest dress, no matter how much they wish they weren't! No matter how much denial there is on the part of moms and dads, daughters and sons.
Do you really want your daughter to be a near occasion of sin?
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5 comments:
I definitely don't want my daughters to be and we've tried very hard for them not to be. Feel free to tell me if we fall short in this area. We've been blessed with daughters who are willing to follow our guidelines or more. It isn't easy when many other girls their age or older wear clothing to Mass they aren't allowed to own. It also isn't easy when there are so few choices in retail stores. I can't remember being able to buy anything for them in the junior departments at all. I'm sure you've noticed even with your young daughter that the clothing style is suggestive even in girls sizes. I remember taking my husband to the mall when our girls were young teens just out of girls sizes. The junior department was scary. There was nothing appropriate for Easter dresses. I ended up paying quite a bit online to find something modest. I just wanted to let you know that some moms and dads of daughters are concerned but I also totally agree that many girls are wearing clothing that they shouldn't be.
--Becky (Megan's Mom)
Thanks for the comments, Becky. LM is only in a girls sz. 10, and I can't find shorts nor pants that aren't hip-huggers, so I know that it is very tough to navigate the clothing world. You are to be commended for trying so hard to instill modesty in your daughters. And Megan is a lovely girl! I hope that my dd will still be wanting to follow our guidelines when she's a teen; I am also hoping that fashions will have changed a lot by then! She plays hard (no wonder, having so many brothers!) such that always wearing dresses and skirts doesn't seem practical, either.
I quoted,"What are the mothers and fathers of those daughters thinking?!" yet I realize that the issue is often complicated. I can't judge. And I know nobody wants their daughter to be a near occasion of sin. It just struck me that because the topic doesn't often get discussed in such terms, that maybe some parents don't know what the guys are experiencing. So I decided to give a voice to that.
I agree with what you wrote and hope that parent realize also that the attention their daughters may be attracting may not come exclusively from struggling nice guy teens. Old creeps, young sleezes, nice (but human) dads and all sorts of others may get the chance to oggle your girls, too.
My mom used to remind me about that.
I found your blog via the link at Simch's. I’ve been thinking recently that perhaps there is a business opportunity in here somewhere. Modest dress seams in general to consist of Little House style dresses and not a lot more. There has got to be a cross between cute and modest that would be commercially viable.
I have a budding soon to be teenage daughter, and am sad to say dressing her modestly is a challenge. She hates the tight shirts and pop styles, but unless she shops in the boys department (which we have) stores don't sell decent modest clothing. It is a shame.
I appreciate the reminder and encouragement to keep on trying to find modest clothing though for her.
--Homeschool mom of 4 in KY
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