A Lesson in Love

Here's a little morning inspiration from Fr. Rob Jack, which he posted on his fb page:

When Thomas Aquinas was a student in Cologne, his classmates called him the Dumb Ox. Albert the great, his teacher, remarked to them that "one day, the bellow of that Ox will shake the world." While St. Thomas is known for his theological teaching, the source of that teaching is his great love for Jesus Christ. Love for God always produces great things in the life of the one who loves. That is St. Thomas' lesson for everyone. St. Thomas Aquinas, the Angelic Doctor, pray for us.

Notice it doesn't say being the top of your class, or mastering a zillion different subjects makes one be able to produce great things. It isn't about choosing the best math program or doing math at all. It is love of God that produces great things in our lives. And that love is the aim of our homeschooling. "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?" They aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, but I'm sure glad that when it comes to homeschooling my kids, my most important job is to impart the love of God to them, and help them develop love for the Trinity. I can get a tutor for the math if need be. ;)

 Picture Credit: http://www.famousphilosophers.org/thomas-aquinas/

What is Education?

Michele Quigley asks this question over at The Family-Centered Life.

Somewhere on a piece of notebook paper from our pre-computer days, I have a one page essay on my philosophy of education. Would that I could lay my fingers on it now! But I do remember some of it, a piece of it, and that piece hasn't changed over the years. However, I'll talk about that in a bit.

My Oxford Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus gives "enlighten" as one of several synonyms for the word, "educate," and I like that. For to me, education is about more than teaching or instruction. For what is my aim in home education? That my children know, love, and serve God in this life and are forever happy with Him in the next. The Oxford also says that the prefix "en" means to "'bring into the condition of'". So at the heart of it for our family, education is bringing my children into the Light of Christ.

Probably few reading this would disagree with that. But what does that goal mean, practically-speaking? It is the guiding force in all decisions. It means that I believe that character is more important than academic achievement. As I've said for years, especially to newbies, St. Peter won't be checking for degrees at those pearly gates! What will matter, is what kind of people my children become; whether they have accepted God's love and learned to love God and others. I believe that in my heart of hearts, and it has freed me from so much worry over academics!

Now, I've had someone quip back to me that maybe my kids aren't so academically inclined, but that her kids were college-bound. Freedom from anxiety about academics doesn't infer indifference to it. With my goal to know, love, and serve God, it is imperative that my children receive solid instruction. God made this world and the people in it, and when we study it, its history, its scientific principles,when we study those whom God made in His Image and Likeness, we are getting to know a bit (and sometimes a great deal!) about our wondrous Creator. So we've never been lightweights on academics. A very wise priest on retreat once said "caught, not taught" in reference to kids' education. My 31 years of mothering has shown the veracity of his view. "Caught, not taught" means that my deepest convictions communicate with the greatest power. So I think it matters tremendously that I "know that I know " that what is most important is allowing God to love us and to love Him in return.

Of course, I'm still on the journey myself, and so I've been evolving in how I live this philosophy. Only a week ago I went on a mothers' retreat and I took away from that blessed time the realization that I need to show Christ to my children through my words and actions. Oh, I've known for years that I ought to see Christ in my children, and that was mentioned as well on the retreat. But I had an "Aha!" moment of seeing that another guiding principle in this homeschool adventure was to be Christ to my children. Or, to put it in the vernacular, WWJD? (And here's where I insert the disclaimer that I'm a sinner and I fall short all too often of doing what I imagine Our Savior would do!)

However, I see that in picking out programs, or books, or methodologies that make ideas and concepts more accessible to an individual child, I am reaching out to him or her, appreciating those qualities that make that child unique. Which brings me to what I recall from that education essay of long ago: I wrote that the best teacher meets a student where he's at, in order to lead him to where he needs to be. My model at the time (as now) was Jesus, Who, I noted, didn't tell people, "Come see Me when you're perfect" but rather, met people where they were at, dined with the sinners, and invited them into relationship. So, too, I recognized the power of relationship in reaching students. Picking the best means to help a child learn, tailoring the curriculum to him, is a means of saying, "I'm here with you, just where you are, and together we'll travel." Contrast that with exasperation that a child isn't able to solve problems or master concepts according the scope and sequence for his grade level or age!

My view of what education is, then, is to enlighten, to show God's Truth and Love. And I think this involves seeing the truth of where my kids are at, of reaching out to them at that place they each happen to be, in order to assist them in their journey. A third component of education in our home is developing a love of learning. There are things that my kids must learn in order that they be able to function in life. These might need to be mastered with a spirit of obedience. But another goal of working with my children as individuals is maintaining their natural love of learning, and again, "caught, not taught" plays a huge role. My husband and I both love learning and treasure books, and our home reflects that, with overflowing bookcases in nearly every room. We've been blessed to find many at bargain prices, but we've also sacrificed in order to make purchases. We love being outdoors and contemplating nature. We've never been particularly concerned with the mess that ensues when nature is brought indoors. And because creativity doesn't always flourish "on a schedule" I've made a point to have art supplies easily available to the kids to use whenever. For example, our construction paper is separated by color into paper trays that sit out in the open with scissors and glue and other paraphernalia in nearby drawers. Giving the kids time is essential. Time to think, to observe, to create. All these things make for a learning-friendly environment, which, in turn, nourish a love of learning.

I embarked on this adventure 15 years ago with the encouragement of friends who championed homeschooling as the best means to raise their children in the Faith and to give them a quality education. I had two children in public school at the time, so I knew some of the short-comings of the system. Having been educated as a nurse with my B.S.N., I had already had a paradigm shift in deciding to home birth after my first two were born at hospitals. My research into home birthing was a prelude to my study of home education. It prepared me to take responsibility for my children, as opposed to deferring to the "experts." I've never looked back, as this is definitely how my husband and I feel called to raise our family. What I've learned a long the way is how very much I enjoy being with my children! I marvel at what they think of and delight in their observations. We are eclectic homeschoolers, with not a little spirit of unschooling. It works for us.

It was a "Mom Moment": The McCain - Palin Rally Part 2

In our hurry to get to the rally Tuesday morning, I had neglected to look at the name of the street where we parked, but I knew that it was off of Main Street so we headed over. I noticed the side streets blocked off with squad cars. There weren't a whole lot of people around. I asked an officer if McCain and Palin were coming this way. "Yes, just as soon as they get done shaking hands down there," motioning a couple of blocks over to where the rally had been.

"Oooohhhh! Let's go back!" said Little Miss, jumping excitedly.

"There's no time for that," interjected the officer. "They'll be getting in their campaign bus in a minute."

A woman came up to me. "Yes, I heard that they're going to be driving right by here, but they'll be going by fast, so be sure to stay out of the street."

We pretty much had our side of the block to ourselves, so we spread out and waited, LM and Mr. E proudly holding their "Vote McCain Palin" signs that LM had made. And sure enough, first came police cars and motorcycles, and then the Straight Talk campaign bus. We could see both McCain and Palin in the front of the bus, and the bus was traveling...slowly!

There were people on the other side of the street as well, and I so wanted McCain and Palin to see these children of mine who'd been such troopers throughout the 4 hours we'd been in Lebanon. I was further up the street from LM and Mr. E and I began wildly waving my hands, pointing down at my youngest two kids as if to say, "Look! Look here! These kids are cheering for you!" And then it happened.

I saw Sarah Palin clearly (well, as clearly as you can through a bus window!) and I knew she'd seen me, had seen the mom wanting her kids to be noticed. Our gazes met and there was an affirmative nod and a big smile, as if to say, "I know! I see them!" It was a "Mom Moment": we'd connected, she knew what I wanted; she'd read my mother's heart.

LM, who hadn't seen me gesturing, tells what happened. "I saw Sarah Palin get John McCain's attention, like, look at these kids over here. And he did! He looked at our signs and pointed!" Oh yes, he did, LM! McCain looked intently (reading them) and then his face lit up and his smile was huge as he pointed and shared the moment with his running mate.

"And did you see Gov. Palin?" LM asked. "She acted excited" [LM demos her pulling her arms close in to her body and sitting on the edge of her seat] "and she waved like this at us!" [LM demos a little wave by bending her fingers forward from her palm, with her arms still pulled in close to her body.] And then they'd passed and the bus was on its way.

We'd only been 3 people in a crowd of 7,000 that morning; while the kids had listened intently to the speeches, they'd seen very little of the candidates. I consider it another wonderful blessing that we just happened to park where we did and to be returning to our car at that particular time. As they rode by in the Straight Talk bus, John McCain and Sarah Palin were only 4 or 5 feet away. Had the bus windows been open, we could have shaken hands. As it is, my kids got the thrill of knowing they'd been seen -- and their signs read -- by the man and woman who hopefully will be the next president and vice-president of this great country ours.

Impressions from the McCain - Palin Rally

This morning Mr. Encyclopedia, LM, and I headed out a little before 7 to drive to the McCain - Palin Rally in Lebanon, Ohio, about 15 miles from our home. John McCain and Sarah Palin were speaking at The Golden Lamb, where 12 (count 'em!) presidents have previously appeared. A crowd of 5,000 was expected; I'm told that that was how many came out for Pres. Bush 4 years ago. Local news reports put today's turnout at closer to 10,000!

And it was raining!! Yes, imagine 8 city blocks lined with people under umbrellas. But spirits were high. I must admit, I wondered as we walked and walked to find the line's end whether we ought to just go home now, stopping on the way for coffee. :) Did I mention that we're not morning people? But we hung in there, and I have to say that the upbeat attitudes around me were a big assist. There seemed to be people of all ages from all walks of life.

It was with relief that we finally made it to the security check point and I realized that we were going to get in. "In" is perhaps misleading: the rally was outdoors, but they'd cordoned off a huge area in front of the hotel/restaurant and the only way in was through the metal detectors. Although the check point was covered, the table on which I laid my fanny pack and camera case to be inspected was sopping wet, probably because that was how we all were arriving. Though not a few had carried lawn chairs, they had to be left at the gate, along with all umbrellas. I hung Mr. E's compact umbrella on the larger one LM and I had shared and laid it against a barrier, hoping that I'd be able find it again.

Now I don't presume to know how God would vote in this election, but I do know that we were abundantly blessed this morning. For after we got past security, there wasn't another drop of rain! Amazing after being in drizzle to downpour for an hour and forty minutes. We no sooner found a spot in which to stand, then the MC for the event, Hall of Famer, Anthony Munoz, took the mike and the festivities began. It was exactly 9 o'clock and on schedule. We were fairly near the back of the crowd, but I found that I could still see (most of the time.) LM and Mr. E had no hope of gaining a clear view but the sound system was good, and they were enjoying themselves. We'd been given "Thunder Sticks" with John McCain's name on them; LM blew hers up before I'd even read the directions on how to inflate them! So I gave her mine to do as well.

We heard from local officials and politicians first. Both kids took note of the men on rooftops and listened intently as one speaker told of trying to take a short-cut at a previous rally and being stopped (and interrogated) by secret service. "My kids learned a new word that day: sniper." When Sarah Palin spoke, I really wanted them to be able to see her. A young woman who looked to be in her early 20's tried to find a spot for them to see, but they were just too short. So I bravely asked a man to my left if he would mind giving my daughter a quick boost up so she could say she saw the candidates. (McCain was on the platform when Gov. Palin spoke, as was Sarah's husband, Todd.) He was most obliging, and repeated the effort for my son. What a kindness! And how blessed I felt that this man proved to be so strong: neither of my kids are lightweights, but he made it look easy!

There were all kinds of signs, pre-printed and homemade. "Working Moms for McCain" and "The New Mac Attack." We all chuckled at one that said, "Read My Lipstick: Drill for Oil Now. Sarah!" LM and I took turns holding up her signs that read, "Vote McCain Palin" which she'd colored in pink, green, blue, and red. Thankfully she'd had me laminate them the night before, or they'd have been ruined in the rain. On the way in we'd seen a bumper sticker that exhorted, "Annoy a Liberal: Work Hard and Be Happy!"

Palin's speech pretty much echoed her acceptance speech at the convention, although she threw in a few more items, such as mentioning that as governor of Alaska she'd put the veto pen to nearly a half a billion dollars in reckless spending. I thought that McCain was more dynamic than he'd been at the convention. How could he not be energized by the crowds that had waited hours in the rain to hear him speak?! He was relaxed enough to joke: Saying we needed to reprocess and store spent nuclear fuel he added "The French do it," [slight pause] then, "My Friends, we always want to imitate the French." There was laughter and then he continued, "...we now have a pro-America president of France, by the way, which shows if you live long enough, anything can happen in the world!"

At the close of the rally, the kids and I hurried to where we'd left our umbrellas, only to discover that with the removal of the metal detectors, most of the umbrellas had been tossed in one huge pile. Immediately those closest to the pile started holding up umbrellas for people in the crowd to claim. Never-the-less, we were getting smooshed. When a lady realized there were children being squeezed, she was alarmed. I told her I was trying to get them out of the crowd, so that they could wait in the open while I retrieved our umbrellas. This woman proceeded to command others' attention and I watched a chain of action help the kids escape the crush. How cool was that? And it wasn't long before I spotted my pair of umbrellas where I'd left them, and got someone to hand them over to me. God is good!

Sarah Palin had said in her speech that small town America was what it was all about, and lauded how great that is. This rang so true as we strode away from the crowd only to have a woman call out to us. Although I hadn't ever met her, she was from our parish and had recognized us. "Where are your other kids?" she asked. (Pretzel was just getting over a sinus infection and had elected to stay home, and Stand Up had wanted to come but had stayed up until 1 AM the night before working on chemistry homework, and couldn't get up so early.) Then, a few paces later, a car exiting an alley stopped abruptly as did we at its appearance. And who was it but a family from our local homeschool group. Small world, even in a crowd of 10,000.

We visited a few minutes and then continued on our trek to our car. I will post later about what turned out to be the biggest blessing of the day.

ETA: According to Wednesday's Cincinnati Enquirer, Lebanon police put the crowd at 7,000. That was still more than turned out for Bush in '04, according to Mayor Amy Brewer.

R.E.M. Curriculum Plan

I haven't done any formal research, but I'd bet that most boys who transfer from homeschooling to brick-and-mortar schools do so during or at the end of the junior high years. Why? Because starting at about age 11 or 12, boys in general are not well suited to homeschooling. And many parents assume (erroneously, I might add) that the fault lies with their homeschool. They believe, having just survived the junior high years, that high school can only be worse, and so they give up. In reality, boys this age are simply not easy to educate.

I should know: my fifth son is going into 8th grade. Oh, the Pretzel is a very compliant child. He wants to please, to do as he should school-wise. But he forgets. Repeatedly. Just like he doesn't know his own strength, and so doors tend to be shut with enough force to pop nails out of drywall. And plastic cups are cracked before their drink is drunk. And an indoor voice is... nonexistent.

My second son was in public school -- our town had no Catholic schools -- when I learned from his choir director that when boys' bodies are growing rapidly, as they do in those junior high years, there isn't anything leftover for their brains. All their energy, all their bodily resources, are going into growing taller and stronger and heavier. That's when they quit thinking. Quite literally.

Haven't you ever noticed that junior high boys have the maturity of, say, four year olds? They want what they want when they want it. They act without thinking about the consequences. They feel invincible. They wear you out! And no matter how many times you've told them (something, anything... to do a chore, or do a math problem) something else will capture their attention, and they're off, sometimes just lost in their thoughts and sometimes down the street. That they need to read a book before writing the report on it, or to put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher before adding dirty ones, is a detail that somehow escapes their notice.

It is particularly heart-wrenching with nice boys, the ones who try to obey and want to excel. These boys are truly dismayed when they discover they've broken the vacuum because of standing on it, or gotten smudges on the newly painted walls from flinging slime at them. Who'd have thunk it? "Pretzel, why is the lawn mower in the middle of the back yard?" "Ohhhhhh yeeeaaahhhhh," he says with wonder as he runs outdoors to either put the machine away, or finish the mowing job.

My oldest two sons attended regular schools, so when Thinker, who was homeschooled from the beginning, hit junior high age and I searched in vain for his gray matter that had gone missing, I knew our homeschool was not to blame. It was then that I developed my curriculum plan to address the imbalance that is inherent in middle schoolers or junior high guys: R. E. M.

It stands for Reading, Exercise, and Math. Do you know that you can actually absorb a lot of knowledge just from reading??? Especially if what is being read is engaging and the boy is not distracted knowing that he's going to have to write out answers to questions based on said reading? Besides, at the point when the boy would be writing an essay based on what he read, it is quite likely that his body will choose that very time to grow two inches in height, and although he'll swear to you that he did read the book, he'll not be able to access the material until he's added a half a foot to his height. Some day, when he's 16 or so, your family will be having an animated discussion around the dinner table and your son will relate why the issue at hand is just like one he read about in such-and-such a book a few years ago. Try not to stare, dumb-founded at the re-emergence of his reasoning abilities, but simply smile and say, "Why yes, it is!"

Exercise. House apes, I mean, boys, need lots of opportunity to flex their muscles, to test their physical endurance, to "run off steam." Give it to them. Now is a good time to invest in a trampoline if you haven't already. Plan on a good portion of every school day being spent outdoors; 60-70% is not unrealistic! Let them run with the dog, hourly if needed. Have them shoot some hoops before sitting down to do math.

The one indispensable subject, in my opinion, is math. Whatever math curriculum you're using at whatever level, try to have the junior high student do it daily, or at least 4 days out of 7. Math is sequential, it builds on itself and doesn't lend itself to cramming. There are just too many math facts and skills to learn. That's why there are no Reader's Digest Condensed Math books! Abridged versions would be leaving out something critical.

But you can set aside writing activities until the boy's body is no longer playing the Incredible Hulk with him. If you must do other work with your son, do as much as possible orally. I tell you, he hasn't the resources to think, write, and remember all at once. Writing without the other two usually isn't very useful. In fact, it might actually be detrimental if it reinforces poor spelling and grammar because a certain segment of his brain is on sabbatical. Better to wait until he's rejoined civilized society and can compose and keep a thought and write or type it, too.

Now that you've redesigned your expectations to fit his reality, you will likely find the junior high youth to be much more pleasant in your homeschool. There will be far fewer times that you'll feel the need to look up enrollment dates for the nearest brick-and-mortar school. Because he no longer feels that what you're requiring of him is impossible, he will be much more compliant. You will have freed him to concentrate on math and reading. He'll do better in those because he no longer faces hours of seat work. Instead, he'll exercise his body and in so doing, prepare his brain to learn from what he reads.

There's one more thing the junior high boy needs: to be required to be respectful at all times. He could argue that he'll never need to conjugate verbs in his chosen life's work, but he can't argue that he won't need the habit of a respectful attitude throughout his life. By using R.E.M., you'll have taken the burden off of him, and that should make it easier for him to gain control over his emotions and to handle his raging hormones. He needs you to set a firm boundary of acceptable behavior, that is respectful behavior. When the time comes, he'll learn to write essays and do other written assignments. But this will be easier if he has already become respectful of those around him.

So don't despair of homeschooling through high school! Your student will be older then! He will get comfortable in his body and be able to think once again. If he hasn't grown oppositional through his junior high years fighting not-very-realistic expectations all the time, he will, by the first or second year of high school, become amenable to education once more, and that positive attitude will enhance his ability to learn. What you'd have struggled to teach him as a 12 or 13 year old will be much more readily assimilated when he gets just a little more mature. And you'll arrive at this stage ready to greet it with joy, rather than by throwing in the towel.

What Kind of Bright Idea is This, Anyway?

In December Congress passed an energy bill which bans the incandescent light bulb as an energy savings measure beginning in 2012. Right off the bat, maybe this doesn't sound like a bad idea. But then you learn that the new compact fluorescent bulbs (CFL's) contain mercury. Say what?! And there are special procedures to follow in case of breakage!

I don't know about your household, but in ours, light bulb breaks happen several times a year. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I have 4 boys still living at home. Just a couple of weeks ago Stand-Up was doing just that, I mean, standing up, when he somehow managed to knock the lamp on the end table to the floor. He turned on the light to see if it still worked and there was a mini-explosion. A closer examination of the bulb revealed a small hole at its base. And he was just standing up! Not horsing around, or anything. (Can you say rapid growth spurt--as in, doesn't know what size he is anymore?!)

So I'm reading about these new bulbs we're all going to be forced to buy, and several things give me great pause. First, when there is breakage, guess what they recommend? Open your windows to ventilate the house! You know, statistically at least of quarter of the breaks in our home are likely to occur when the outside temperature is below freezing. Exactly how are we going to conserve energy opening our windows in sub-freezing temps? To prevent problems they say to use a drop cloth when changing light bulbs! Excuse me, but we don't break light bulbs while changing them. We break them from dropping them while putting them away, from scrutinizing them in curiosity, not to mention the number one way, by knocking down lamps!! So now I'll not just have the broken glass to worry about, but mercury contamination as well!

Then there's this little gem: CFL's burn out sooner if they are turned on and off a lot, so the Energy Star people recommend leaving them on at least 15 minutes at a time! I have worked very hard to train my kids to turn off lights when they leave a room. Now I'm supposed to tell them leave them on? And are we really going to save energy if we leave all our lights on all the time? Because there's no way we're going to be able to keep track of how long a given light has been on so as to turn it off after 15 minutes.

I think this law must have been written without regard for homeschooling families who are home all day. And without regard to families that have kids! I'll be contacting my congressional representatives soon to demand that they revisit this part of the energy bill, because replacing the incandescent light bulb with mercury-containing fluorescents is just plain stupid!

Who Needs a Curriculum?

So today Pretzel asks me, "Why does the apostle Philip have a Macedonian name? Did Alexander the Great conquer the Holy Land or something? He was Jewish, not Greek, right?"

Which left me saying, "Ummm, let's read up on that!" And we started pulling books off the shelves to see what we could learn about Alexander the Great, when he lived and what lands he conquered. But we never found more info on Philip other than what we already knew from Scripture. It made me wish I was on a first name basis with Anne and Warren Carroll and could just pick up the phone, call them, and ask, "What can you tell me about the apostle Philip?"

Oh, we did learn that Alexander the Great's father was named Philip!

Love2Learn is Giving Away Books!

Go here after 10 AM Pacific time Wednesday to read about today's winners and to learn how to sign up for the next giveaway.

The Homeschool Mom Vocation

I often look at how God the Father treats me for guidance in parenting my kids. For example, when I need to refresh my resolve not to nag them, or I'm tempted to belabor some recent failing on their part, I try to recall the story of the Prodigal Son. The father in that story did not harangue his son over blowing his inheritance; the son felt remorse enough without dad heaping on the guilt.

Today after Mass I was reflecting on the Church as the bride of Christ. Christ and His Church are a model for husband and wife. And the Church teaches. Then it hit me: The bride teaches! She is responsible for forming her children, the body. And I, my husband's bride, am responsible for teaching our children. But just as the Church is under the lordship of Jesus Christ, I, too, must teach under my husband's authority, in union with him. He is as important to our homeschool as Christ is to the Church!

I think this is fodder for further reflection.

To Share, or Not to Share, and Here is a Question

How often have those of you who homeschool had someone say, "Oh I could never do that!"? And you mutter some polite reply, down-playing that you have any innate talent at work. Maybe you wanted to shout, "Yes you could!" but kept the words inside lest you make the other person uncomfortable. For you know, when people make such disclaimers, they aren't saying homeschooling is bad; often they see it as a truly wonderful thing, but they justify not looking into it further with the belief that they could never manage. I confess, on more than one occasion I wanted to reply, "No, you probably couldn't homeschool if you still expect to keep your house just so, and if you aren't prepared to give up life as you know it." I'd go on, "Homeschooling is very worth it, of course!"

Similarly, I have lost count of how often someone has said to me, "I'd love to have a big family, but I just know that I couldn't manage more than my one [or two]." "It's grace," I usually reply. But I think that one reason people ooh and ahh over meeting someone homeschooling a large family is that they think I'm doing it and still managing to keep a beautiful house, or that I'm so well-organized that keeping track of everything is a piece of cake. Far from it, on both counts!

When my children were younger and I was new to homeschooling, I thought that it was important to be aware of the impression we gave to others because it reflected on homeschoolers and/or large families in general. And so when we'd dine out from time to time, we were careful to leave good tips, lest we leave a bad impression. Having the kids be nicely dressed and groomed we thought reflected well on our vocation. Speaking positively about my kids, besides being good for them, was also thought wise lest people be put off by the difficulties involved in our choice.

Now I can see another side to the question. I can see that sometimes being picture perfect (not that we ever ever were!) could reinforce for someone that they aren't suited to lots of kids or homeschooling, because they know they'd have a hard time keeping up. It can be a disservice to our fellow homeschool moms by putting pressure on them to be high achievers. If CD can keep house and home and educate her children all the while sewing all her family's clothes and being a gourmet cook, why can't I? I know moms who think something is wrong with them because they can't do it all, and they feel that they should be able to.

Some friends popped by my house one day to take the kids and me to the park for a surprise party. When one of the moms, a mother of 8 boys, saw my house, she exclaimed, "Oh your house makes me feel so good! It's like mine!" Which was to say a bit of a mess. But these moms had planned around that, and rather than risk embarrassing me by having everyone show up at my house to surprise me, they had the party at a park. I was loved for me, messy house and all, and not because I performed all of my duties well all of the time.

So I want to throw out this question: Is it more important to create a good impression and protect the image of the large, homeschooling family, or to give another permission to be human by sharing our own human imperfections with them? What do you think?