R.E.M. Curriculum Plan

I haven't done any formal research, but I'd bet that most boys who transfer from homeschooling to brick-and-mortar schools do so during or at the end of the junior high years. Why? Because starting at about age 11 or 12, boys in general are not well suited to homeschooling. And many parents assume (erroneously, I might add) that the fault lies with their homeschool. They believe, having just survived the junior high years, that high school can only be worse, and so they give up. In reality, boys this age are simply not easy to educate.

I should know: my fifth son is going into 8th grade. Oh, the Pretzel is a very compliant child. He wants to please, to do as he should school-wise. But he forgets. Repeatedly. Just like he doesn't know his own strength, and so doors tend to be shut with enough force to pop nails out of drywall. And plastic cups are cracked before their drink is drunk. And an indoor voice is... nonexistent.

My second son was in public school -- our town had no Catholic schools -- when I learned from his choir director that when boys' bodies are growing rapidly, as they do in those junior high years, there isn't anything leftover for their brains. All their energy, all their bodily resources, are going into growing taller and stronger and heavier. That's when they quit thinking. Quite literally.

Haven't you ever noticed that junior high boys have the maturity of, say, four year olds? They want what they want when they want it. They act without thinking about the consequences. They feel invincible. They wear you out! And no matter how many times you've told them (something, anything... to do a chore, or do a math problem) something else will capture their attention, and they're off, sometimes just lost in their thoughts and sometimes down the street. That they need to read a book before writing the report on it, or to put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher before adding dirty ones, is a detail that somehow escapes their notice.

It is particularly heart-wrenching with nice boys, the ones who try to obey and want to excel. These boys are truly dismayed when they discover they've broken the vacuum because of standing on it, or gotten smudges on the newly painted walls from flinging slime at them. Who'd have thunk it? "Pretzel, why is the lawn mower in the middle of the back yard?" "Ohhhhhh yeeeaaahhhhh," he says with wonder as he runs outdoors to either put the machine away, or finish the mowing job.

My oldest two sons attended regular schools, so when Thinker, who was homeschooled from the beginning, hit junior high age and I searched in vain for his gray matter that had gone missing, I knew our homeschool was not to blame. It was then that I developed my curriculum plan to address the imbalance that is inherent in middle schoolers or junior high guys: R. E. M.

It stands for Reading, Exercise, and Math. Do you know that you can actually absorb a lot of knowledge just from reading??? Especially if what is being read is engaging and the boy is not distracted knowing that he's going to have to write out answers to questions based on said reading? Besides, at the point when the boy would be writing an essay based on what he read, it is quite likely that his body will choose that very time to grow two inches in height, and although he'll swear to you that he did read the book, he'll not be able to access the material until he's added a half a foot to his height. Some day, when he's 16 or so, your family will be having an animated discussion around the dinner table and your son will relate why the issue at hand is just like one he read about in such-and-such a book a few years ago. Try not to stare, dumb-founded at the re-emergence of his reasoning abilities, but simply smile and say, "Why yes, it is!"

Exercise. House apes, I mean, boys, need lots of opportunity to flex their muscles, to test their physical endurance, to "run off steam." Give it to them. Now is a good time to invest in a trampoline if you haven't already. Plan on a good portion of every school day being spent outdoors; 60-70% is not unrealistic! Let them run with the dog, hourly if needed. Have them shoot some hoops before sitting down to do math.

The one indispensable subject, in my opinion, is math. Whatever math curriculum you're using at whatever level, try to have the junior high student do it daily, or at least 4 days out of 7. Math is sequential, it builds on itself and doesn't lend itself to cramming. There are just too many math facts and skills to learn. That's why there are no Reader's Digest Condensed Math books! Abridged versions would be leaving out something critical.

But you can set aside writing activities until the boy's body is no longer playing the Incredible Hulk with him. If you must do other work with your son, do as much as possible orally. I tell you, he hasn't the resources to think, write, and remember all at once. Writing without the other two usually isn't very useful. In fact, it might actually be detrimental if it reinforces poor spelling and grammar because a certain segment of his brain is on sabbatical. Better to wait until he's rejoined civilized society and can compose and keep a thought and write or type it, too.

Now that you've redesigned your expectations to fit his reality, you will likely find the junior high youth to be much more pleasant in your homeschool. There will be far fewer times that you'll feel the need to look up enrollment dates for the nearest brick-and-mortar school. Because he no longer feels that what you're requiring of him is impossible, he will be much more compliant. You will have freed him to concentrate on math and reading. He'll do better in those because he no longer faces hours of seat work. Instead, he'll exercise his body and in so doing, prepare his brain to learn from what he reads.

There's one more thing the junior high boy needs: to be required to be respectful at all times. He could argue that he'll never need to conjugate verbs in his chosen life's work, but he can't argue that he won't need the habit of a respectful attitude throughout his life. By using R.E.M., you'll have taken the burden off of him, and that should make it easier for him to gain control over his emotions and to handle his raging hormones. He needs you to set a firm boundary of acceptable behavior, that is respectful behavior. When the time comes, he'll learn to write essays and do other written assignments. But this will be easier if he has already become respectful of those around him.

So don't despair of homeschooling through high school! Your student will be older then! He will get comfortable in his body and be able to think once again. If he hasn't grown oppositional through his junior high years fighting not-very-realistic expectations all the time, he will, by the first or second year of high school, become amenable to education once more, and that positive attitude will enhance his ability to learn. What you'd have struggled to teach him as a 12 or 13 year old will be much more readily assimilated when he gets just a little more mature. And you'll arrive at this stage ready to greet it with joy, rather than by throwing in the towel.

Kristin Lavransdatter

I am re-reading the book by Sigrid Undset, Kristin Lavransdatter, this time the newer translation by Tiina Nunnally. I keep wishing that I had an index to the characters, because after so many Andresson's, Bjorgulfson's, Gjeslings, and so on, I sometimes wonder "Who is this?" when a name comes up! LOL--this might be due to reading in short bursts of "mother-time" or it may just be the nature of the book, with its Norwegian names and many complexities.

It is a wonderful read, and as a friend said to me recently, "It is a book that everyone ought to read!" I surely would like for it to have a larger audience, but I seldom find that anyone I know has read it. At over 1100 pages, Kristin Lavransdatter is a somewhat serious endeavor! Helen Alvare, former Director of Planning and Information for the Pro-Life Secretariat of the National Conference of Catholic Bishops, once wrote that it was must-read for any girl coming of age because of its lessons in the consequences of our choices.

So I'm wondering, dare I attempt to write a guide to Kristin Lavransdatter? Could I possibly find the time to do so? Stay tuned!

For a excellent review of this masterpiece by Sigrid Undset, winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature, read this.

The Prison Angel

Currently I'm reading the book of Mother Teresa's private writings, Come Be My Light. There is so much to reflect on in the holy nun's experience! It brought to mind another book by Mary Jordan and Kevin Sullivan that I read a couple of summers ago: The Prison Angel: Mother Antonia's Journey from Beverly Hills to a Life of Service in a Mexican Jail.

Admire her though we might, Mother Teresa's quest to serve the "poorest of the poor" is far beyond what most of us can envision. And her work having begun half a world away (from us in the USA) adds to the sense of uniqueness of Mother Teresa's call. But what about a mother of seven who grew up with every advantage, who, after two divorces, gives up everything she has to move into a Tijuana prison to serve? We can't distance ourselves from Mother Antonia as we do Mother Teresa because Mother Antonia, albeit most of us don't have Hollywood roots, is one of us: an American, a mom, a woman with a very imperfect life.

This is a book you should read for many reasons. Sometimes called the "Mother Teresa of Tijuana," the former Mary Clarke had a heart for service nurtured in her from when she was a little girl and would accompany her father on his charitable work. Now Mother Antonia, she is an inspiration not only for her ministry to brutal criminals and drug dealers inside the prison and out, but also because she embarked on this work full-time at the age of 50! She started a religious order specifically geared toward helping women in their later years realize a second vocation. There's a lot to contemplate here about what we do with our lives once our child-rearing and homemaking duties are no longer front and center.

Not only that, but Jordan and Sullivan's book presents a vivid picture of the plague affecting our southern neighbor--and us. The drug dealing just south of the border reaches into our country, as does the violence which comes with it. In our fair, free country, where the accused and prisoners have rights, it is eye-opening to discover that the poor in Tijuana's prisons are left to fend for themselves, even for basic necessities such as food and medical care. Mother Antonia works tirelessly to provide for them, and like Mother Teresa, embraces their poverty, living in a cell within the prison.

Married to one another, Jordan and Sullivan are Pulitzer Prize-winning reporters with the Washington Post. Their book has garnered 5 stars on Amazon in 21 reviews! Read it. Tell others about it.

I Love My Parish!

There are over 3,200 registered families at our parish, and we have a K through 8 school. But as far as I know, there are only 2-3 homeschool families. And one of those only homeschools for K or grades 1-2 and then enrolls her children in the school.

So often there are conflicts in parishes between the families with students in the school and those with students in Religious Ed. Or between the homeschoolers and the school families. But I haven't seen that kind of conflict at my church.

Last fall my three youngest joined the children's choir, which meets for practice twice a month after school. Most of the kids attend the parish school, and they sing at the weekly school Mass as well as at a Sunday Mass once a month. When they found out my kids were homeschooled, they were invited to come sing with the others at the school Masses. My kids were thrilled as they love to sing. And the students in the choir greeted the news that they were homeschooled with comments like, "Cool!"

Not only that, but Pretzel tried out for a cantoring position and got one! So several times this year he and a fellow student cantored the responsorial psalm together. Today was special, though. Pretzel sang the Psalm solo. I was so proud of him! And so very, very grateful for this parish -- and its school -- which could welcome my children and let them fully participate.

It is as it should be, I think. But we all know far too many things that aren't as they should be, so I don't take this for granted.

We need a new motto...

They say "Cleanliness is next to Godliness," but right now, I wish the saying so well known was something like, "Modesty is next to sanctity"! A good friend -- a mother of a houseful of boys like myself who doesn't have time to read blogs, let alone write one -- laments that even the homeschool girls wear tight jeans and shorts, and it is driving her teen sons to distraction. "What are the mothers and fathers of those daughters thinking?!"

Indeed! Even though there are books about dressing with dignity, it seems that many a family is oblivious to what their daughters are to the young men they're around: near occasions of sin! Yep, you read that right! Her son was miserable the day after a teen picnic because he'd fallen. His raging hormones and virile body got the better of him. His dad was sympathetic, but had no answers, since one would just about have to give up socializing to avoid girls whose clothing is skin-tight, revealing, and/or provocative.

Now, maybe it's that the moms of teen girls don't realize that boys, too, have raging hormones. Maybe the dads don't want to admit that their daughters look sexy. Or maybe it's that families are getting so much exposure to our culture, that their sensitivity to the issue has been dulled. Perhaps the lack of suitable clothing has them stymied for a solution.

sigh But we can't give up! We can't just tell young men who want to be chaste, "Oh well." Yes, when they are grown men, they likely will have to learn to deal with immodest dress, even if they become priests! But we're talking about guys at a time in their lives when their bodies are in hyper-drive. If you've read any Theology of the Body, you know that patterns are being set in these years, too.

My eldest son has been very blessed: he decided while in college that it'd be neat to be able to say when he was married that he'd only kissed his wife. God gave him that grace! His brothers know this story, and I suspect some of them are hoping for the same grace. So it's not like I have sons who are running with the popular culture. Yet I have heard them, too, mention wishing that girls would not be dressed so immodestly. It is hard enough to keep one's ideals and live virtuously, without having the girls whose company you so enjoy torment you. Even unintentionally.

Read that again: Torment. In a previous life I spent time as a nurse on an adolecent unit. Teen boys are going to respond physically to your daughters if those girls' clothing hugs their new curves and draws the eye below the hipline. Oh, of course, most well-bred Catholic homeschooled boys will hide those responses. Most probably won't even reveal how they feel to their dads as did my friend's son. But don't kid yourself; young men are being stimulated by immodest dress, no matter how much they wish they weren't! No matter how much denial there is on the part of moms and dads, daughters and sons.

Do you really want your daughter to be a near occasion of sin?

This Church Should be Filled...

I was sitting at adoration yesterday evening in a nearly empty church, and wondering how could that be...

There are 12,000 people at my parish; how is it that not even 10%, nor a mere 1%, are present every Tuesday evening?

Oh, I know, people are incredibly busy and there aren't enough hours in the day for most of us. But, if people only knew, only knew Who it is Who calls to them from that monstrance on the altar! "You are the Christ," said St. Peter to Jesus.

Yes! It is Jesus the Lord who humbles Himself awaiting our adoration on altars and in tabernacles all across the world. Won't you oblige Him?

He is Risen! Alleluia!

What a glorious day! Great joy! I just want to share one thing from a terrific homily this morning, which Father Marty says he borrowed from Pope John XXIII. "On the third day, John and Peter run to the tomb. Easter morning finds the Church running toward Jesus!"

What a magnificent image, the Church of the new age running toward Jesus! May the good Lord see fit to spur me on always, ever running to Him!