To Share or Not to Share...

I've been pondering Nancy Brown's post about Mother Teresa's outward cheerfulness even though she did not feel so inwardly, and in fact, for a long time she didn't feel God's presence at all. Nancy says she thinks this is saintly. In Blessed Mother Teresa, I have no doubt that it reflects heroic virtue.

But what about the rest of us? Are we to feign joy when we feel anything but? I will have to think more on this, but right off the bat, I'd say no. "The truth will set you free." I was once asked by a priest while on retreat to pick words I could live by, base my entire life on. That verse is what I chose then, and it is what I'd still choose.

Now I don't mean to say that we can never smile when we feel sad, never choose kind words when we feel angry. Indeed, a part of self-mastery is learning to do just that, to exercise our wills in favor of virtue. But I think that we also have to be wary of suppressing our feelings. Suppressed feelings don't just go away; in fact, they often erupt at the least convenient times or in much less than desirable ways. We have to be honest with ourselves, I think, about how we feel. And I do think Mother Teresa was doing that.

But here comes the thornier part: do we share those feelings? It might be virtuous to take a deep breath and carry on as though we were in no pain, had no anger, were not sad. But could it also be a gift to share with a friend our hurts, our fears, our doubts? If we are stoic, do we deny that friend the opportunity and gift of ministering to us in our need? Could it be a prideful thing to suck it up and act in a manner that hides our true feelings? Does that distance us from others, from our shared humanity with its times of frailty? Sharing what we truly feel inside is often a moment of exquisite vulnerablility and trust.

It is generally good to emulate the saints. But we also need to cultivate our relationship with Jesus, to ask Him what He wants of us, and to prayerfully discern that to which He is calling us. Which is to say, God could have been asking Blessed Mother Teresa to be cheerful in spite of interior dryness and desolation, whereas He might be asking us to reach out to others in our times of distress. We have to ask Him! And we have to be willing to listen for His answer, even wait on it.